Tommorrow is about to change everything. Planning to move out of my parents house, and into my s/o's place. Im so worried on whats going to happen. How tf are my parents going to react? I know that my parents are a lil' psycho sometimes, but this situation I am in has got to the point where they seem not to care much whether I leave or not. They just dont want to deal with the bullshit that I'm putting them through, because I am deciding to continue a relationship with a partner that my parents dont particularly like.....
I cant even begin to think how I am going to approach this. There are sooo many possible outcomes with this. I am so fucking mind boggled. theres also a HUUUGE motivator that is making me do this, but I would rather keep in under the radar until I know that it is official. I cant believe this is happening. My little brother has conferences super early tommorrow, so when my mom and lil bro get home, I may not be there anymore. This is just so depresssing to think about.
my little 14yo brother could possibly never be able to wake up and go next door to talk to me in the morning.... ever again. I swear to god sometimes I am such an idiot. I got myself in this mess, and there is no way out now. I mentioned in one of my previous blog posts how I hate ultimatums, well this is another one that is fucking life changing.
I fucking hate myself. I wish that I would have never made the choices that led me to this point. Obviously Im not going into detail, but I've made some dumb ass choices in the past that I fucking massively regret. I wish I would have played my cards right the first time. If there was ANY way that I could go back in time, I would absolutley take that, go back in time, and pull my past self to the side and explain what hes about to fucking do, and to not be a fucking idiot.
I cant begin to explain how dumb I feel. I was always told as a child never to do this at this age..... and I am. Im such a fucking retard. I will never be able to live a care free happy life ever again. Not only that, but I happen to be with someone that does not want to reverse this.... So im basically fucked. My entire life is ruined because I decided to make a dumb choice one night. You probably already know what happened based on that one sentence alone, but I wont be saying shit just in case you dont lol. But yeah, all in all I just want to fucking die. If I had a button that could teleport me into a new place with a new life, god knows I would hammer that button in an instant. I know I know, You're probably thinking:
"damn ducky you sound so desperate right about now"
well no shit buddy
I want things to go back the way they were sooooo badly, but unfortunately life dosent always give you the sweetest lemons. Sometimes you get one lemon thats the size of a walnut, that is sour asf and completely impossible to make even the slightest amount of lemonade with. Jumping off a bridge, plummeting to my ultimate demise sounds infinetly more fun then what im fucking going through. God dammit man. I hate this shit.
Tommorrow is going to either go horribly, or silghtly horrible. Nothing good is going to come out of my decision to leave tommorrow. I just hope that it dosent get to a point where her parents get involved. This has happened in the past and is the one of the reasons why my parents disklike my partner. This is going to be fucking one hell of a roller coaster. Lets just hope I make it out in one piece..... or at least in several pieces, in which I can still live a happy life in lol
-- Duckyboi